im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
