Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
