Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
