Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
