Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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