Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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