I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
