the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
