I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
