I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
