You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want a musical about memes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
