nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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