things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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