I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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