What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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