i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
