the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you guys were way drunker than both of me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize