Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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