Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
