When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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