I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
