You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
