Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
