if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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