omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
