I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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