Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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