Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
