are you still at the devil's house?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
