so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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