Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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