so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
