why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
