whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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