i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
