i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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