Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize