I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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