Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
