My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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