: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize