How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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