i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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