Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
