I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
