I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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