I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
