He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize