Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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