I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
