That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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