im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was CRYING into my vagina
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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