How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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