You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
