I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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