You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
