i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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