Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize