He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
