i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
