FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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