end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
