we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
