Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
