Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
