normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
