how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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