I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
