grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
