New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
