You smell like a Billy Joel song
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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