I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sext me about skeletons
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