Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
