I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
