He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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