my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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