Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
