If that was your dad, he is hot
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize