My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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