That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize