Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
