I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
