trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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