Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize