I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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