So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
