if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
