guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
