Pregnant stripper...not hot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
