They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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