cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
do nipples grow back?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
