the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
