he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
