dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
