Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
