I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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